The Parenthood Renormalization
by theromanticfangirl
Summary: Raj finds himself as a single father after a baby is left on his doorstep. Penny gets a surprise. Sheldon and Amy revisit the idea of procreation. Bernadette's opinion on children begins to change. It seems everything's happening all at once. Ensemble fic. Will have some angst. R/?, L/P, S/A, H/B. ON HIATUS DUE TO MY VERY BUSY PERSONAL LIFE.
1. Prologue: The One Night Stand

_Hey Fanfiction community! So, this is my first Big Bang Theory story, and I for one am very excited! I love the show so much, but until now I've only written Glee fanfictions on my old account. Constructive criticism is definitely appreciated – especially since I'm new to writing this fandom. I love reviews too, so if you're enjoying this story feel free to tell me so! And finally, suggestions are welcome – just know I may not get to your request right away. _

_This first chapter isn't really a chapter, it's a prologue. Really, it's just an introduction to one of the plots – I suppose you could say it's an introduction to the __**main**__ plot, but this is really an ensemble fic, so I'm not going to call it that._

_Now, without further ado, I hope you enjoy The Parenthood Renormalization!_

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**Prologue: The One Night Stand**

**Nine Months Ago**

Raj frequented the bar enough to know that a new bartender took over at nine o' clock exactly on Friday nights. It was like clockwork, the old bartender, whose name Raj did not know, couldn't seem to get out of there fast enough – he grabbed his jacket, collected his tips and dashed out of there. The new bartender was usually younger – a scraggly college kid most nights, named Jimmy. Jimmy was okay, he supposed – he always tried to start conversations, and Raj normally wasn't in the mood for idle chitchat - as Sheldon would call it – but he made really good grasshoppers, and so Raj could tolerate him. But tonight, it wasn't Jimmy who took over the shift at nine – it was a woman instead.

She looked older than Jimmy, but younger than the older guy who had been tending before her. She looked around thirty, and Raj found himself stunned by her presence, even though he was well past tipsy. She was very, _very_ pretty – blonde hair that went just past her shoulders, big brown eyes, a few freckles here and there, and – Raj couldn't help but notice – a great body that couldn't be hidden under her uniform of a black shirt and pants.

"Can I get another one of these?" Raj asked her, surprised by how easily he spoke these words to her.

"Sure," She replied, taking his glass and filling it up. "Are you drinking alone, tonight?" She inquired, sliding it back to him.

_Yes, of course I'm drinking alone_ was his first thought. _I always drink alone – because I'm just the lonely Indian boy, who can't even talk to women unless he's hammered. Of course I'm drinking alone! _"Yeah," Raj finally said. "Yeah, I am,"

"I find that hard to believe," She laughed, filling up a few cups with samples of their daily drafts. "You're such a cutie,"

At first, Raj felt a surge of excitement race through him at these words – but then again, Bernadette had told him the same thing, and everyone knew that hadn't worked out like he'd hoped. So, he simply shrugged. "I guess," It didn't come out as casual as he meant it to.

The bartender leaned forward, her beer samples forgotten. She extended her perfectly manicured hand. "I'm Olivia Jones, by the way,"

After a moment's hesitation, Raj shook her hand. "Raj Koothrappali," _Oh Cow, she was pretty_.

Olivia smiled at him, and this time Raj's heart really skipped a beat. "It's nice to meet you, Raj," She turned around, going back to work, and wiped her wet hands on the back of her pants. As her hands ran past her butt, Raj was worried for a moment he might get excited again…but in another area. He was actually half thankful when she walked down to the opposite end of the bar to give a young couple some refills.

For a while, she got back to work and he ordered a few more drinks and they simply discussed the alcohol and shared a few looks. But Raj just couldn't force himself to get up and leave the bar – at least, not without this girl's number in his pocket. Apparently, Olivia was determined too – just as he was about to finally drag his drunk ass out of there, Olivia leaned a little too close to him as she passed a drink to a waitress and whispered in his ear "Jimmy comes in at ten and then I'm done for the night." And then she got back to work.

Raj didn't know much about women, but he wasn't stupid. Olivia wouldn't tell him when her shift was over if she didn't expect it to mean anything to him. She wanted him to meet her afterwards – what she was expecting of that encounter, that was what Raj didn't know. So he asked for his check, which he took a good time paying, and then stood outside the bar until ten. This was a beautiful girl – he was not about to let her slip through his fingertips.

At ten o' seven on the dot – yes, he'd been watching the clock – Olivia emerged from the bar, a green plaid jacket over her uniform. She smiled at Raj and walked over and before he could offer a simple "hello again" she was crushing her lips against his, and he found himself kissing back.

Yup, definitely excited…

She was a great kisser. Her lips were soft and surprisingly, for a girl who worked in a bar, she didn't taste like alcohol. Raj bet he tasted like alcohol…Oh God. She was probably going to pronounce him the worst kiss she'd ever had and walk away, right then and there. He was such an idiot…

Olivia pulled away first and Raj braced himself for the emotional blow that was sure to follow. But instead, she smiled. She had a lovely smile. "Do you know any good motels?"

Raj had a feeling that Olivia Jones was the type of girl who knew what she wanted – and got it.

* * *

"Oh my God," Olivia murmured under him as she fell back on the cheap motel room bed, Raj still kissing her back sloppily. She stuck her tongue in his mouth, which Raj didn't really like – he'd have to remember to keep his lips closed. Olivia seemed to get the hint and so she moved to taking off her jacket as Raj continued to kiss every inch of her face. His hands went up to undo the buttons for her, but Olivia moved his hands away. "I got this," She said, pulling away from his kisses. "You, take off your clothes and get some protection." She paused, tossing her jacket to the side and removing her top. "You have protection, right?"

Raj nodded and turned away, going to the corner of the room where he couldn't see her and she could only see his back, simultaneously stripping and looking for the condom he'd put in his wallet – you know, just in case. He was suddenly glad he'd put it there. Now, came the difficult part – putting it on.

Putting on condoms had never been Raj's…strong suit, you could say. It's just he always got very…excited, and so slipping it on became difficult. He mentally cursed his high libido, hearing the unhooking of Olivia's bra behind him while he couldn't even get a damn condom on…

"Just do it already!" Raj heard Olivia snap, a mixture of annoyance and lust in her voice.

For a moment, Raj was tempted to ask her 'really', but then he simply discarded the condom, going to meet Olivia on the bed. She was lying down, breathing heavily, and extremely eager.

Olivia closed her eyes, kissing Raj with every ounce of passion she had. He'd been taking too long putting that condom on – thank God he finally manned up and got it on. Oh, she hadn't met a guy like this in a long time. This was going to be one night she'd never forget…

And it wasn't. But for all the wrong reasons.

When Raj woke up in the morning, Olivia was gone.

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_Props if you know the reference to a certain movie I made in this chapter! Hint hint: it was at the end._

_I really don't know how one night stands work…I've never had one and I don't plan on ever having one. _

_I'd love a review. Should I continue? Did you love it? Like it? Hate it? _


	2. Chapter 1: Knock Knock Knock

_Thanks for the reviews, favorites and alerts. Enjoy this first chapter! I'd love and appreciate a review – but I can't really force you to give one. Just remember, writing a chapter takes a long time, but posting a review only takes a few seconds!_

_Oh, and I forgot to mention, props to Daisy Wilson for being the first (and only) reviewer to get the reference. It was in fact a reference to Knocked Up._

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**Chapter One: Knock Knock Knock**

**Present Day**

When Raj heard the _knock knock knock _at his door, he was surprised by how rapid it was and that a familiar "Raj" and then two repeats was not following it. He waited for the rest of Sheldon's standard knock, but nothing came. He definitely didn't recognize this knock…

Raj opened the door, and at first, he thought no one was there. Maybe the kids downstairs were playing ding dong ditch again…

_Wah_.

It was small – a teeny, tiny sound that Raj thought he had imagined it. But then, there it was again – a small, sad sound, coming from…below him? Raj was beyond confused now.

"Oh shit," He said.

Because when he looked down, he saw a baby – a baby that looked a Hell of a lot like him.

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"We can't be here," Sheldon proclaimed less than a minute after being seated at The Cheesecake Factory. "It's Thursday – we don't go to The Cheesecake Factory on Thursdays!"

Leonard checked his watch. "It's been thirty three point five seconds," He announced. "You guys all owe me twenty bucks,"

At this statement, Howard, Bernadette and even Amy all dug into their wallets. Sheldon was dumfounded.

"We made a venture to see how long you'd last," Amy explained matter of factly, handing a pristine twenty dollar bill to Leonard. "Leonard said you'd last thirty seconds, Howard said a minute, Bernadette said you'd last until we got our drinks, and I, as your girlfriend, had complete faith in you. I said you'd last until we left,"

"It's Thursday," Sheldon repeated. "We have pizza on Thursday,"

"They have pizza here," Leonard said. "You can get the same toppings you get at Giacomo's," Clearly, with that smug look on his face and the money he was pocketing, he was enjoying this.

Sheldon frowned. "This isn't funny you know! We have the schedule for a reason!"

"Yes, but today's Anything Can Happen Thursday," Howard pointed out. "So technically, we _are_ obeying the schedule,"

At this statement, Sheldon was clearly dismayed by the fact that his friends had found a way to torture him _with his own schedule_! He glared to the best of his ability before looking down at his menu. "My digestive system won't be able to handle it," He murmured, and Amy gave him what was meant to be a reassuring pat on the shoulder. Sheldon really didn't like people touching him – oh germs, so many germs – but understood she only meant to comfort him. So he let it slide, just this once.

"Hello," Penny said as she walked up to take their order, pulling out her notepad and removing her pen from behind her ear. "I'm Penny and I will be your server this evening –"

"Uh, Penny," Bernadette interrupted. "We've kind of already met."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Penny said through clenched teeth before adding in a whisper: "You think I want people to realize I know you?" She gave a small head nod in Sheldon's direction, as if that would explain everything. She smiled fakely.

"I see that my calendar is up to date," Sheldon said. "As I predicted she would be getting very irritable in the next few days…"

Amy shushed Sheldon, telling him he was being rude to her bestie, but Penny froze. "What's today?" She asked hurriedly.

"Ummm, the eighth," Howard answered her.

"Penny, is everything okay?" Leonard asked.

But Penny had already zoned out. _Oh shit_. Today was the eighth? Already? But, she hadn't gotten her…_Oh shit_! No, there was no way…!

"Guys!"

Penny's thoughts were interrupted when Raj came running into the restaurant, holding…_something_. None of them could tell what it was. As he burst in, Raj accidentally bumped into a tray, making himself cringe and the waitress give him a dirty look as she picked up the napkins he'd knocked over. "Sorry!" He said, before walking briskly to his friends' table.

"Raj, what's going on?" Leonard asked.

"And what is that?" Bernadette added, clearly meaning the bundle he was holding.

Raj frowned and peeled back the blanket so they could see. The small little girl inside looked up at the gang with big, brown eyes that resembled Raj's. What was going on?

"Whose baby is that?" Howard asked.

Raj gulped. "Apparently – mine,"

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_Like I said, a review would be very much appreciated. Not necessary, but appreciated. I'll give you virtual cookies if you leave a review! _


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